Chapter 21

Hep, Scroat, Pan, Ares, Thoth, Sekhmet, Ahayuta, Thor, Chris and Sarah left the hotel first thing the next morning. They had decided that they would be less likely to draw attention to themselves if they paddled down to the drain opening during the day. Six inflatable rafts in Washington D.C. in the middle of the night might seem kind of suspicious, especially given how close they would be to several Naval installations, and various landmarks of historical importance.

So, instead, they slept, got up early, had a hearty breakfast in the hotel’s little cafe, and left the hotel around 7:30 in the morning. Each of the gods carried a rolled up and deflated raft, except for Pan who carried the pump to inflate the boats. Chris and Sarah were in charge of carrying the maps and headlamps.

The group walked a couple of blocks to the nearest bus stop. They only had to wait a few minutes for the bus that would take them to a park a couple miles north of the Arlington National Cemetery. Their journey got off to a bad start when the bus driver insisted that he would only accept exact change for their fares.

“Aw, come on, man, just keep the change. I can live with out it,” Hep said, still holding the cash out to the driver.

“I can only accept exact change, sir,” the driver said.

“But I’m willing to give you more than the total fare!” Hep said, exasperated.

“Exact change only, sir,” the driver said, stone-faced.

“Fine,” Hep said, and turned to the rest of the group. “Have any of you guys got change?”

They all shook their heads. Hep groaned, and got back off of the bus. He set down the raft he’d been carrying, and walked quickly back to the hotel. The bus departed as he walked. According to the bus schedule posted at the stop, there would be another bus in forty five minutes.

In the hotel, Hep asked the clerk at the front desk if she could make change for him. He put twenty dollars on the counter, and the clerk returned with a roll of quarters.

“Here you are, sir,” she said brightly. “Have a great day!”

“Thank you,” Hep said, and left the hotel for the second time that morning. He hustled back to the rest of the group.

Back at the bus stop, the gods (and pagans) fidgeted as they waited for the next bus. For the most part, they were men (and women) of action, and didn’t cotton to loitering. Thoth, for his part, took out his journal and wrote in it, while the others attempted to occupy themselves by bragging about feats of strength, past conquests, and drunken hijinks.

Hep, who had heard most of these stories before, several times, sat on the bench and tried not to fall asleep as they waited. He nodded several times, jerking awake when he realized he was dozing off. Who knew that listening to Sekhmet explain the intricacies of popping an enemy’s eye out of its socket could be so soothing? Hep finally fell asleep, and didn’t wake until Scroat elbowed him in the side.

The next bus arrived, and this time they all were able to get on the bus without difficulty. The driver was the same fellow, but gave no indication that he recognized any of them. The bus was mostly empty, and they made their way to the very back seats. The seats were in pretty rough shape, with plenty of tears, writing on them, and chewing gum ground in in a few places. One of the other passengers had incredibly bad body odor, and every now and then the aroma of this upstanding example of transportation responsibility would waft back and make the group’s eyes water.

The ride wasn’t much more interesting than sitting at the bus stop was. They stopped every block, it seemed, to let on or drop off a surprising variety of colorful characters. Every time they thought they had seen, smelled or heard the worst that humanity had to offer, another jerk would get on the bus and prove that when it comes to the depth of inanity and lack of taste, humanity has the greater majority of species massively out gunned.

The bus began to fill up, and the wide variety of bad smells overwhelmed Hep. He spent a solid twenty minutes of the ride trying to cover his nose discretely, before giving up and covering his nose overtly. He was pretty sure no one would notice or care anyway.

Hep and the rest of the crew in the back of the bus got a minor thrill when the bus hit a large bump at speed, and they were momentarily lifted out of their seats.

“I haven’t had that happen since elementary school,” Chris commented.

At the next stop, a disheveled man reeking of alcohol got on the bus. He wasn’t ready for it when the bus jerked forward and started rolling, and to keep from falling he stumbled continuously down the aisle until he landed in Pan’s lap.

“Gah!” Pan exclaimed, and roughly helped the drunk up again and into a seat.

“Why are we on the bus again?” he asked Hep.

“Because we don’t own a van,” Hep said.

“Oh, right,” Pan said.

Several stops later, they were getting close to their destination. The group gathered up the rafts, pump and backpacks, and when the bus stopped they quickly exited and walked away from the bus stop. Only when they were clear of the bus and its denizens did they feel safe taking a deep breath through the nose again. After a few deep breaths and a stretch they walked the few remaining blocks to the park where they would launch their boats. After sitting on the bus for so long, walking felt absolutely wonderful, and they quickly arrived at their destination. They crossed the street and walked into the park.

The “park” was really just a couple of gazebos, a couple of unhealthy looking trees and a lot of grass with some sidewalks running through it. There were a few benches here and there for those who, for some entirely unexplicable reason, wanted to hang around for a bit. At night, these benches were prized by the local homeless community, but the rest of the time they went ignored by the general population.

There were a few other people walking around in the park, but no one paid any attention to the determined looking group of odd people carrying uninflated boats to the water’s edge. So far, it appeared their strategy for slipping through unnoticed was working particularly well. No one had asked them yet today what they were going to do with all these boats.

“So what are you fellas going to do with all of them boats?” a nosy park user asked from behind them.

Hep turned to the gentleman asking the question. “We’re just playing hooky from work and going out for a paddle, this morning,” Hep said.

This seemed to satisfy the latest interrogator, and he wandered off to do whatever it is nosy people who hang out in parks do.

Meanwhile, the crew got to work on unrolling boats and assembling the crummy plastic paddles that came with the boats. Pan got started on inflating the first raft. He was winded before the boat was even half inflated, and by the time it was full and ready to go he was ready to lay down on the grass and wheeze for a few minutes. Pan handed the pump to Scroat, and proceeded to lay down on the grass, where he covered his eyes with his left arm and wheezed for five minutes or so.

Scroat found himself similarly afflicted when he’d finished inflating the boat he’d started. He passed the pump to Thor, and the cycle continued. Chris inflated the last boat, and joined the gods on the grass for a wheeze.

Once everyone felt rested enough to continue, they sat up and decided how to man the boats. After some debate, they agreed that Hep, Scroat, Pan and Heitsi would lead in one of the four person rafts. The second four person boat would carry Thoth, Sarah and Chris. Ares, Thor, Sekhmet and Ahayuta would each take one of the two person boats.

Sarah suggested they eat before they launch the boats, since the time and place of their next meal was uncertain at best. Luckily, there was a fast food joint within easy walking distance. Pan and Chris went, and brought back cheeseburgers and French fries for everyone. Chris distributed the food, and they ate quickly, without talking apart from someone asking for ketchup or a napkin occasionally.

After eating they began the awkward process of loading into the boats. There wasn’t a beach, just a short drop into the shallow, murky water at the edge of the grass. Chris hopped into the water to hold the boats in place as the rest loaded in to them. First up was Ares. Pan pushed the boat down into the water, where Chris caught it. He stood at the front of the boat, holding it parallel to the shore. Ares stepped into the raft, and it spun as he shifted his weight. The boat moved to quickly for Chris to react, and Ares fell into the water, cursing at great length. He splashed about and sputtered until he got his feet under him and stood up in the water.

Chris struggled to get the raft under control again as the crew still on the shore laughed at Ares. His temper flared, and Chris was lucky not to find himself holding his own skull. As it was, Ares grabbed hold of the raft and climbed in to it, bringing a lot of water with him. He squelched around a bit to get comfortable, then reached for the paddles. He paddled the boat a few feet away and turned to watch everyone else get into their boats with his arms crossed.

“OK, well, we know that method doesn’t work,” Sarah said. “Chris, maybe you should stand opposite the shore, and hold the boat against the edge of the water.”

Pan pushed another boat into the water, and Ahayuta stepped into it while Chris held the boat steady as Sarah had suggested. This technique worked out much better. He paddled over near Ares and waited.

Sekhmet pushed her own boat into the water, and stepped lightly into the boat from the shore. She fumbled with the paddles briefly, but quickly got the hang of using them and joined Ahayuta and Ares.

Thor was the last to get his own boat. He pushed the little raft in to the water, and stepped confidently into the boat. He grabbed the paddles and rowed powerfully over to the rest of the gods.

“Maybe we should have put him in the lead boat,” Pan said, noting Thor’s comfort with the boat.

Pan and Scroat pushed one of the bigger, four person rafts into the water. Heitsi, Pan and Scroat stepped into the boat one at a time, then Thoth and Sarah helped Hep into the boat. It was cramped, but it seemed like the boat was stable enough with four of them in it. They each took a paddle, and rowed over to the group of boats nearby.

Finally, Sarah and Thoth pushed the last boat into the water, and they stepped into it. Chris climbed in behind them, and the joined the rest of the group. Chris dragged a lot of water into the boat with him, and Thoth and Sarah were soon uncomfortably damp.

“Ok, which way from here, big man?” Ahayuta asked Hep.

Hep pointed, and said “Downstream, south. It’ll be probably a mile or two until we hit Arlington National Cemetery, and the entrance to the drains will be opposite the cemetery.”

They began to paddle, Hep’s boat led and the rest fell in to position behind them. The weather really was perfect for a day out on the water. The wind was calm, and the waves were very small, which made the paddling easy.

Ares stuggled with the flimsy paddles, and every few stroke he’d have to correct his direction to stay together with the group. Thor attempted to demonstrate the proper technique, but Ares brushed him off and continued struggling with his boat.

They passed by a few other little parks, and a lot of urban areas. So far as they could tell, no one had even looked twice at them, except for a little boy in one of the parks who waved enthusiastically to them. Most of the group waved back as they floated by.

As they got closer to their destination, the wind picked up, and the water quickly became choppy. They struggled through the waves, and soon Heitsi was able to see their entrance into the drains. Clouds gathered over them as they navigated the rubber boats towards the large pipe. Just before they entered the drains, the clouds opened and began pouring down rain upon them.

“Well that ought to make navigating the drains a little more interesting,” Heitsi commented.

In single file, they paddled into the inky black darkness of the city drains. Inside the tunnel, they put on their headlamps, and switched them on.